held between

The tiny tummy squirmed between my restraining hands. The garage door made its signal, Mommy was home. Shouts of delight bounced from the fish tank to the fire place and anxious eyes ran to the door. Thinking about possible injuries, i held the youngest back as he tried to plaster his face against the wooden entrance. I knelt behind him, both hands holding back the struggling body. His eyes looked at me with confusion, why was i holding him back? Why couldn't he scream with delight and touch the soon-to-be dangerous door? "Wait," I said, "she's home, just wait, do you hear her?" His feet stomped and his eyes glared. His short brown hair brushed against my face. "No, she'll be here, just wait," i reassured him. The car door slammed. "Mommy! Mommy!" The one year old cried. Seconds felt like minutes and, as i was desperately trying to prevent tears, my mind wandered.
I began to identify with the child. My anxious body often squirms as i wait for my father's return. My face longs to press against the door of entrance, giving up all else to hasten the long awaited moment of satisfaction. And all too often, my glaring eyes look into his face and whine with discontent. But if i wait, if i stand back and rest in his hands, if i trust, the moments i behold now are not bad. I begin to realize their worth. They are gifts, every one of them. And, while my Father withholds from me the gift of his return, he places millions of gifts in my lap for today.

Then it happened. The door swung open and my hands released the elated child into his mother's arms. She hugged him with love and his face bore a grin. She was there. He had forgotten the moments just before, they had no meaning now, she was there and that was enough.

So here i am, still a waiting child. Being held between the father's hands, i can't help but hope, anticipate, cry out at times. Even still, my head turns and i see the grin of my Father as his loving hands keep me from harm and lavish on me nothing but good. They restrain me with concern, they squeeze me with purpose and, they hold me with hope.